Ben's Diary

Go Patriots! A friend e-mailed this excerpt from Lisa de Moraes' Washington Post television column. As you'll see, it's hard to believe market researchers actually ask these questions and that people are willing to respond. "Did you know," de Moraes writes, "that nearly 60 percent of people who plan to watch the Super Bowl on television say they are more likely to have sex after the game if they watch the ads? Neither did we." Super Bowl ads have become so sexed up, de Moraes explains, that they're a turn-on, according to New Media Strategies, a local online marketing firm. "Last Wednesday, NMS surveyed 254 likely Super Bowl viewers in the most popular sports, entertainment, women's and mainstream online communities. When asked about the Super Bowl's sexy ads and those three erectile dysfunction spots, 57 percent responded that they are more likely to have post-game sex after seeing the ads. Interestingly, 6 percent of respondents expecting to watch the game tomorrow said they would have post-bowl sex only if they saw the sexy ads and their team won. Ironically, another 6 percent said they did not expect to have sex, sexy ads or no, because they were likely to be too full or too drunk." Pass the nachos...

X-Ray Vision II... On January 15, I stumbled across a Pravda dispatch from Russia about a girl with X-Ray vision, able to diagnose broken bones and medical conditions without using X-Rays or ultrasound. Now The Sun of London (a tabloid) has brought the 17-year-old girl to England and tested her skills. Natasha was introduced to a newspaper reporter who was still recovering from serious injuries in a hit-and-run accident. Apparently, Natasha was able to perceive many of the journalist's injuries, including metal pins and screws in her legs. The reporter was "stunned" and wrote: “Natasha is amazing. I was very sceptical at first but after just a few minutes she focused on my major fractures. I was very impressed. It was as though she was looking at X-rays of me. Only my orthopaedic consultant could have known more.”

Naked ... More hiking news in Britain today (see yesterday's diary entry for installment #1). After 847 miles, 15 arrests and five months in jail, the so-called "naked rambler" (hiker) has completed his journey from the tip of England to the tip of Scotland (Land's End to John O'Groats). The story (including p.1 picture and article today in The Times of London) has entertained the country since last June when Steve Gough, 44, set out from Cornwall wearing only an olive safari hat, navy socks, brown hiking boots and a 60 pound pack. Gough was arrested 2 days later in what became a pattern. A few days walking in the buff; a few days in jail. All told, he spent 140 nights in prison, costing taxpayers almost $100,000. He traveled with only 1 spare pair of socks. In driving rain at the northernmost point of Scotland yesterday, Gough celebrated his triumph with champagne ... and by donning some warm clothes. "It was a relief to put them on," he said.

Ooops... Greetings from London where I've just arrived for a few days of book business and where Charlie St. Cloud will be published by Picador in May. I just happened upon this story, which is quite remarkable given the English love of rambling (country strolls and the like). The UK's best-selling hiking magazine has just apologized after its new issue offered a route that would lead climbers off the edge of a cliff on the country's highest peak. According to the AP, the February edition of Trail magazine gives advice on making a safe descent for folks caught in the notorious bad weather on Ben Nevis in Scotland. But the magazine's directions would actually lead to disaster -- straight off the north face of the 4,406-foot mountain. Guy Procter, editor of Trail, admitted the mistake -- the magazine accidentally deleted the first of two crucial bearings needed to get off the mountain.

Running Mates... It's Iowa caucus day, and the candidates are getting desperate. Consider Howard Dean, whose wife Dr. Judith Steinberg had never been to Iowa before -- and who made a big (and worthy) point of focusing on her medical practice instead of campaigning for her husband. On Sunday, she suddenly flew to the Hawkeye State on an apparent rescue mission. Maybe I'm being cynical -- but why did she go? Could it have something to do with the weekend poll in the Des Moines Register showing long-time frontrunner Dean slipping into 3rd place behind John Kerry and John Edwards? Don't forget: Dean said only last week: "I do not intend to drag her around because I think I need her as a prop on the campaign trail." But I suspect Dean and his pollsters have detected a "gender" problem behind his drop in the standings. Indeed, Iowa women seem to be jumping behind Kerry and Edwards. Unfortunately, that's usually when the wife gets summoned as a prop -- even one with a son in high school, patients to see, laundry to do and groceries to buy (which she described in the couple's lovey-dovey People magazine interview this week). A couple of other facts as reported in The New York Times: During her husband's two years of relentless campaigning for the Democratic presidential nomination, Dr. Steinberg has stood by her husband's side at a political event exactly once, at his official announcement speech here in June. She has given about a dozen interviews — none televised — two fund-raising letters and a cameo on a half-hour advertisement. If Dean's numbers don't improve, I suspect we'll see a lot more of her in New Hampshire.

Life Imitates Art Dept. Sad news in the papers ... Olivia Goldsmith, author of the hilarious novel The First Wives Club, died yesterday at Lenox Hill Hospital from complications related to anesthesia. Earlier this week, she entered the Manhattan Eye, Ear and Throat Hospitals for elective surgery to remove loose skin under her chin, her literary agent said. As she went under anesthesia, she had a heart attack and fell into a coma. She was transferred to Lenox Hill Hospital and never recovered. In a recent interview Goldsmith -- whose real name was Justine Rendal -- had joked that she wanted to be given liposuction after her death so that friends could say: "She never looked better." She also said that death no longer worried her and that "my favourite hobbies are reading, sex and sleeping."

X-Ray Vision... Just noticed an irresistible & strange story in Pravda, a Russian internet newspaper that shares the name of the old Communist party organ. Who knows if it's true, but it's a helluva tale. Medical workers in Moscow have discovered a sixteen-year-old with a remarkable gift. Natalya Demkina has so-called "dual vision," meaning she can detect a person's internal organs without using X-Ray or ultrasound. According the Pravda, "A series of medical experiments conducted in one of the clinics provide substantial and undeniable proofs of the girls' unique abilities." Natasha's mother says the girl started to talk when she was only 6 months old. At age 1, she could already recite Pushkin's poetry by heart. By 3, Natasha mastered the alphabet and learned to operate a snowmobile. "Overall, she was just a normal kid," he mom says. "Never was she able to see through humans!" But after a recent appendectomy, she began to display signs of X-ray vision. Scientists at a children's hospital conducted experiments. Natasha was shown a woman with a variety of illnesses and the girl managed to list every single one of them. Further ultrasound examination confirmed her diagnoses. News about her gift has spread and Natasha receives around 20 calls a day for help. "We even have people standing in line right before our door," says Natasha. "I cannot turn them down. I do not accept any monetary rewards either. That is why I am often exhausted by the end of the day."

Stress Test... So, where's the most stressful place to live in the United States? As a New Yorker and Angeleno, I was relieved to see the new rankings from the research outfit BestPlaces. Turns out Tacoma, Washington, 30 miles south of Seattle, is the country's most stressful city. The survey took into account commute times, alcohol consumption and mental health problems. Miami ranked second because of violent and property crime, long commutes, high unemployment and a high divorce rate. The third most stressful city was New Orleans, followed by Las Vegas, which had the highest suicide and divorce rates in the study. New York placed fifth, boasting the longest commute times. The study also produced the least stressful cities, which all share low unemployment rates, as well as short commutes, lower divorce rates, less crime and lower suicide rates. The multiple-city communities of Albany-Schenectady-Troy in New York and Harrisburg-Lebanon-Carlisle in Pennsylvania tied for the least stressful metro areas. Others with less stress included Orange County, California, Nassau-Suffolk in New York, and Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota.

Would You Like Fries with That? According to the always amusing website Ananova, police believe teenage pranksters are hacking into the wireless frequency of a Troy, Michigan Burger King drive-through speaker to tell potential customers they are too fat for fast food. Policeman Gerry Scherlink says the pranksters told one customer who had just placed an order: "You don't need a couple of Whoppers. You are too fat. Pull ahead." Police believe the culprits are watching and broadcasting from close range.Burger King franchise owner Tony Versace issued the following statement in response to the incidents: "We apologise to our customers who've been insulted by the use of this drive-through speaker."

Puhleez. There are plenty of legitimate questions to ask about the impact of Wal-Mart on local communities. Indeed, many newspapers have done searing reports on the mega-stores and their stranglehold on Main Street. The company is also under investigation for hiring illegal immigrants. But oddly, I find myself feeling sorry for the corporate giant when I see stories like this one from Pennsylvania: A Mt. Pleasant Township couple wants Wal-Mart to pay for foot and toe injuries they claim were caused by canned goods and condiments that tumbled from an overfilled plastic grocery bag. According to a two-count civil lawsuit filed Wednesday in Westmoreland County, Brenda and Ronald Sager contend a plastic bag they brought home from the East Huntingdon Township store last month was deficient and overstuffed. The bag, which contained a 32-ounce jar of Miracle Whip, a 46-ounce bottle of ketchup, three 15-ounce cans of fruit, an 18-ounce bottle of ranch dressing and a 12-ounce bottle of mustard, broke open when the Sagers returned home and started to put away their groceries. That's when the handle tore and the bottom of the bag broke, the Sagers claim.

Tusk ... A nugget from my recent Africa trip: Elephants grind through six sets of molars in their lives. After the age of 60, when their last set of teeth wears down, they can't eat their usual roughage and end up dying of starvation. They literally waste away. That's why this AP item caught my eye from Thailand where an aging elephant has been fitted with custom-made dentures. Morakot, an 80-year-old pachyderm in a zoo had been unable to chew her food because she had lost her teeth. Kept alive with saline solution, vitamins and antibiotics, she had become so weak that she had collapsed four times and needed to be supported by a sling of chains hung from a tree. A local vet made a U-shaped denture about six inches wide and six inches long with stainless steel, silicone and plastic, and fitted Morakot while she was under sedation. It's unclear if anyone has ever made dentures for elephants, although animal dentists have in the past fitted replacement tusks.

Quotation of the Day: In case you missed it, Michael Jackson isn't the only one to dangle babies in harms way. This week Australia's Steve Irwin, TV's Crocodile Hunter, hand-fed a 13-foot crocodile while holding his month-old son, drawing fire from TV viewers today and the promise of a government investigation. According to the AP, Irwin cradled his son, Robert, under one arm and dangled a piece of chicken from the other. The croc quickly snapped up the meat. TV viewers later jammed phone lines to express outrage, media reports said. Irwin defended his actions, saying "I was in complete control of the crocodile," he explained. Now for the quote of the day: Irwin's American wife, Terri, who handed the baby to Irwin and giggled at the sight, said: "It was a wonderful sensory experience for [Robert]. He dug it." Check out the photo of Robert digging it....Crochunter.bmp

Itchy, burning, dried, sensitive, irritated, chapped, cracking... As a former TV news producer and First Amendment defender, I'm a little uneasy with the latest reports from China but as a TV viewer, I can't help feeling a little jealous ... According to the LA Times, China rang in the New Year by banning TV advertising during dinnertime for sanitary napkins, hemorrhoid ointments and athlete's foot medicines. The new rules also limit commercials to a maximum of nine minutes per hour during prime-time. Surprise surprise: Advertising executives weren't pleased with the changes, which they said could cost them millions. The Times explains that "with relatively limited regulation over parts of the business, it's not uncommon to find programming in some markets interrupted four or five times an hour by blocks of 10-ad segments, raising the hackles of the average Chinese. In 2000, a viewer in Xian who sued a cable television company for interrupting a soap opera with too many commercials was awarded $85 by a local court."

Happy New Year! I'm just back from a thrilling honeymoon in Africa and wanted to wish you a very healthy & peaceful 2004. The next two months will be busy & exciting as we gear up for publication of my new book -- The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud -- on March 2nd. The early signs are encouraging, and I'll be on the road here and there to promote the novel. Please log in for updates on signings and events in your area, and I hope our paths cross along the way. (And please come back in the next few days or so for a tale or two -- and maybe even a picture if they're in focus -- from our Africa adventure.)